Best Halloween jokes from bad puns to one liners

The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. Allan shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc can I ask you a question? Allan straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, ‘So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I work for a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work? When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room. After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, ‘Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can’t drink tea.

Marriage Jokes

Learn to tell three or four so you are always prepared. Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package. There were three tomatoes, a mom, a dad and a son. The son lagged behind and fell splat on the floor. How can you get four suits for a dollar?

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, ‘Is everything a joke with you?’.

Released at a time when cylinder recordings were at their apex, Williams became widely known for the song, and he was forced to sing it at essentially every appearance he made, for the rest of his life. Last night de vind came unt blew down de shutter outside mine house, and I vant you to send a car-pen-ter — a carp.

Oh, never mind, I’ll have it fixed myself. Developed in England by Joe Hayman, the definitive Jewish vaudeville monologue became bigger than any one comedian as it grew into a sensation stateside when American comedians like Barney Bernard, George L. Thompson, and most notably Monroe Silver took on the character of Cohen and recorded covers of the routine. Built on a classic misunderstanding-an-accent premise, it popularized the comedic device of hearing one half of a phone conversation.

It was an undeniable influence on comedy legends Shelley Berman and Bob Newhart. This bit was something different for comedy at the time. Because this scene was so joyful, it makes reality all the more depressing when the Tramp gets stood up for his dinner date.

Laugh IT Out: Sarcastic One Liners

By Patricia Lantz C. One-line jokes are usually a play on words that involves twisting language with humorous results. The best one-line jokes are puns, sarcasm, and truisms that catch you off guard, offer a quick laugh, and allow you to see the humor in the everyday happenings of life.

Privco dating one liners jokes serving up a massive cash, airline – apr, and simplest online jewish singles. One liner jokes about online dating Mj’s coffee meets in the time of the leading to work.

Why do women pierce their bellybutton? Place to hang their air freshener. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? They’re going to call her Old Spice. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?

Funny One Liners: Funny one liners on relationships

Well, maybe except really funny short jokes. Reading some good jokes can kick your day off with a laugh and a smile, and why not do just that? To help you we have made a compilation of some of the best of the great jokes and funny one line jokes that we know – on all sorts of topics from short funny jokes to great jokes about countries to dating jokes to jokes about alcohol and much more.

Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude or dudess. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac. – Susie Loucks My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners! Funny Dating Jokes. Funny Dating Tweets. Or go back from “Funny Dating Quotes” to “Cute Quotes”.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.

Jokes

What we have here have substantiated that jokes can be short and still be funny. However, these collection of jokes are not just funny but are the funniest set of jokes you can ever come across. The one-liner jokes will surely crack you up — you are bound to laugh as hard as you have never done before. Funny One-Liner Jokes 1.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in schools.

Funny one line jokes about dating, relationships and marriage to make you smile. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! Marriage is give and take.

Back to the top Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with the dog beside him in his wife’s place. I thought there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out! What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less Drunk Back to the top The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.

He glared at her lover and bellowed, “What are you doing? Paddy says to Mary, “Sure, and we have to get some advice from the parish priest. We can’t keep on with anymore children. One is to abstain altogether, and the other is the rhythm.. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy’s wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin’ big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate creature beat the livin’ bejazus outa me.

Best One Line Jokes

Yo Mama 7 R Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

If you are currently dating, then you should read some dating jokes. Online dating jokes, funny dating jokes or simple dating jokes, read the best on Jokerz.

I am waiting so much for the time we will get married. After that, I would love to solve all your problems, worries and reduce your stress.. Wow, so nice of you.. But honey I don’t feel that i have any troubles or problems.. Because you are not married yet!! What do you call a female in heaven? And what about crowd of them in heaven? A host of angels!

And what if all the females are in heaven? Peace and happiness on the earth.. Today is my birthday and you haven’t bring anything for me. Because i wanted to surprise you!! Boy in college to another boy:

Tinder Jokes by professional comedians!

Y funny dating one liners Witty. The Second Volume with the best dirty one liners to practice en el Instituto Nac. November 20, ; Sold by: The X of Y: The Pinterest of online dating. This page is a homage to funny fishing jokes only.

42 Funny One Liner Jokes. by Stephen on March 25, · 55 comments. in Jokes. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes. o O o A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. o O o How do you get a sweet year-old lady to say the F word?

Our aim here is simple. We want you to have fun. So prepare yourself to be wonderfully entertained with this big, varied and hilariously funny collection of short funny jokes. On this humorous journey we will take you to the land of funny jokes of alcohol, through the kingdom of jokes about men and women, into the valley of short hilarious jokes and funny phrases where we will visit the famous sight of the Monty Python Sketch guided by our very own John Cleese and Michael Palin and in the end when we’re all tired and probably will need to rest we plan to stay at the funny old people jokes inn called over the hills jokes.

Ok, fasten your seatbelt and let’s begin this journey of really funny jokes Fields once indignantly asked: What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? Take, for example, this example of a really funny joke: A man walking out of a pub late at night has had a few too many to drink. He walks down the street with one foot on the sidewalk and one foot on the road. It looks awfully awkward and he seems to have a hard time doing it. A little later a policeman walks up to him and asks, “Well, sir, had one too many to drink, eh?

Oh thank God, I thought I was crippled!

DATING

Comedian Jokes Eric Morecambe Stand Up Jokes “My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden. Then my eyes went bad. That’s why I became a referee” “Life isn’t Hollywood.

dating one-liners. Absolutely hillarious flirty one-liners the largest collection of flirty one-line jokes in the sorted from flirty one liners the best by our top 10 flirty one one liners love friendship beauty.

Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags.

He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

Barney Stinson – Life Lessons (How I Met Your Mother)